Re my post on 24th Jan. "When it all comes out in the wash". Had a follow up to that this week when I was able to feedback to the people concerned on most of my list of 12 frustrations!
Kinda scary to deliver 'news' like that. Not only because it's a group but also because of the individuals who make it up. I realised later that I was trembling inside. Lasted probably an hour. Gut churning.
I had ascertained in the autumn that I was going to set aside what people might think of me when I related back thoughts and feelings, so that I was being totally honest, and not minimising the affect of this stuff for me or others. Nor spinning information to big me up. A constant battle!
But there was I... Trembling inside... Meaning... What?
I think I underestimate just how much others opinion of me really matters to me. I think perhaps I am realising why that is?
It's the desire to be liked. To be taken seriously. To be important. Noticed. Included. Respected. Loved. So I guess I'm in deficit in some area of my life?
This lead me to consider what my life would look like if I didn't have activities or shared interests in common with my friends. Would I still have those friends. Would they like me for who I am? How much does my position and role dictate that?
Aim: to pursue a path on which the influence of others lessens, and the real me can stroll on in integrity. Here's hoping!
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1 comment:
amazing words. I really appreciated that.
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