The genius of the TV commentator

Thanks to my good friend Mohamad Al Bazzer for sending these which are mostly concern the noble Olympian sports of Snooker & Darts:

"Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah, Bristow."

"Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete."

"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"

"He's about as predictable as a wasp on speed"

"Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water buffalo with a pea-shooter"

"The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips.......you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them"

"Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy."

"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline"

"Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out"

"That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."

"He's as cool as a prized marrow!"

"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."

"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank"

"As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here."

"He is as slick as minestrone soup"

"The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!"

"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos."

"There's only one word for that - magic darts!"

"Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!"

"I don't know what he's had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the Snap, Crackle and Pop outta Bristow"

"Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles"

"Steve Beaton - The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax."

"If you're round your auntie's tonight, tell her to stop making the cookies and come thru to the living room and watch these two amazing athletes beat the proverbial house out of each other"

"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer..... Bristow's only 27."

"Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in Essex."

"If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone home."

"He's playing out of his pie crust."

"They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They'll have to play outta their essence!"

"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength."

"Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!"

"Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a choo-choo train!"

"Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis"

"I've got two words for you - former world champion."

"This is his last Tango in Paris... and now it's goodnight Vienna."