Gotta run baby, run

Hey Guys,

Sorry I've been absent - sooooooo busy.

Saturday was the 5th of six Dads + Lads sessions. Great discussion, mostly with the boys, about boundaries and how they are a sign of a parents love - they knew it already - made me wonder why there are ever arguements! Thought about 'time outs' to cool off before coming back to talk through issues. A good principle I think, because especially as kids get older they need to feel that their point of view is heard and respected, even if the decision goes the 'against' them.

From there we took a trip to the RAF Museum at Hendon to admire aeroplanes from the early Hawkers to the Euro Fighter. We had a tour of the bombers by 86 year old Jumbo who had seen action with the Pathfinder Squadron. He spoke with a quiet command, humour and humility. How I respect his generation and the sacrifice made for our freedom.

So, not home until 3.30 pm for a short break, and then out to prepare for Mammas. This is an evening that this year sold out with 120 mums chauffered to our church turned restaurant for a three course Mexican meal prepared, cooked and served by men. A lot of wives came but single moms had tickets bought for them by the guys - cool.

I was Maitre D' to about 20 'staff' - mainly my mates - but what an effort to keep some of them in line!!! . A very successful evening, but I was exhausted by the time we got out of church at 1pm!

Had the final two exams of my course on Monday night then a celebratory curry afterwards. It has been a great trip with my friends over 2.5 years. We have all learnt and grown loads. Hard to quantify but definitely life changing stuff.

Preparing to speak at a church this Sunday morning - the subject is PASSION !!

Meanwhile, work busy but fun. Submitted a new idea today to buy a house boat for our homeless residents to use as move on accomodation - i.e. the final stage of support in helping young people onto independant living.

The YMCA owns a tower block and the Grand Union Canal runs adjacent to it. Gonna work with British Waterways and the lcal MP on this one. Fun eh!

Ok, gotta run - collect Ned and cook dinner... luv ya x

Grapple Fans & Bush Kangaroos

"And welcome Grapple Fans..." was the introduction (as far as I remember) to the wrestling on ITV's World of Sport, Saturday afternoons. My dad used to love it: Giant Haystacks, Big Daddy (real name Shirley something?), Rocco, Mick McManus and co including a hooded character I can't quite place?

Don't know why I thought of that, but these days we have WWF - I hate it. It is violent, false, demeaning and has nothing good about it. Grrrrrr.

Feeling positive right now (despite the rant above!!). Feel I am understanding myself a little bit more and I feel more confident for it. More aware. More in control. Relaxed.

Still working on my smiling... can even scold Ned and smile now. Or pretend to smile when I don't feel like it, which actually makes us both laugh because of the bizarre contortions of my face!

Try this: when you are out walking with someone - doesn't have to be a child - see if one of you can skip 15 yards to the other...WITHOUT smiling. Then switch. It's almost impossible to do. You can't help but smile. Ned, myself and others have had fun with that for years. Doh!

Now I'm thinking of Skippy... Skippy... Skippy, the bush kangaroo....

Not going there, besides I doubt they would allow the term 'bush kangaroo' these days !!!! (Ooh you are awful !!!!). Captain Pugwash and his crew were bad enough... NO COMMENTS PLEASE !!!!!

You can't bottle that

I was at the a funeral yesterday of Edie Dunning, a wonderful lady, who has left us aged 87 to join her heavenly father and husband George. Her surviving son, Ron, paid tribute to her and the Vicar related the tale of how Edie and George met by chance in Walpole Park, Ealing, in 1944. They courted for a year before marrying and were together for 51 years.

A sad day but wonderful to celebrate Edie's life - one of selfless service to her husband, son and a faithful friend - Edie had met every Thursday afternoon with Joyce for the last 15 years.

My friend, Ron, has been a wonderful support for his Mum, giving up his job in the autumn to care for her while she was poorly. Edie died in peace having, I understand, said all she wanted to Ron and vice versa.

Death is draining - seeing Ron's pain and that of Edie's nephew and friends. I returned home at 4pm and, still suited, with coat and gloves on, lay on the sofa and slept for an hour.

Yet, I am grateful for the Christian hope, indeed certainty, of reconciliation in the 'afterlife'.

Ron spoke of his inner peace countless times yesterday. You can't bottle that. You can't buy it. All you need is a mustard seed.

Syriana

Saw this film Saturday night. Not a moment of it was I not thinking. Thinking. Thinking. What's going on? What's happening? What does that mean? How do those relate to one another? Lawyers, politicians, terrorists, FBI, young Muslims, families, foreign policy, Princes, poverty, fat cats, oil men, my car, suicide bombers.

Some of the critics have said, and I agree:

"Syriana is the starting point for an intense and lengthy conversation."

"it'll make you angry, it'll make you think and it'll scare the hell out of you."

"Seldom have form, content and cultural sensibility been so excitably aligned as in this fascinating, exasperating film about the unholy marriage of power politics and global business."

"The thematic temperature of "Syriana" runs hot and doesn't waste a single second of film time."

"a profound reflection of our own scary reality."

"Adept at delivering macro and micro perspectives without moralism or conviction."

For me, this is a thriller that did not thrill so much as leave a bitter taste in the mouth. It again frames some of the reasons for global military and political posturing, while leaving the viewer to draw their own conclusions and perhaps, judgements. And, finally I concluded, as this writer did, that the film shows:

"a little of how the world really works -- and that the world's dark machinations are every bit as sordid and pitiless as your worst suspicions." There are times when I loath America :o(

Overwhelmed?

Was thinking today about what being overwhelmed means?

The dictionary says:
[1] overpower, esp. emotionally.
[2] Defeat by force

Re [1] - I imagined being overwhelmed to be moments of extreme pressure and, because too much was happening at once, to be unable to cope, function, or think straight.

I haven't changed my mind on that except for the context of my definition, or is it an interpretation? Either way, I have typically assumed the pressure to be from external circumstances - the stuff I talked about in September:

The treadmill - the pressure I feel at the lowest point of my day - when I'm tired from work and haven't yet eaten - the interruptions that can cause me to explode - "can I have a drink? I'm hungry what's for dinner. Look at this! Dad...come here a minute please".

I have been reminded today that to be overwhelmed can be due to internal pressures too, particularly in times of real trauma - bereavement, diagnosis of terminal illness, major health issues, being made redundant, marriage breakdown etc. Sounds obvious, ne?

But what of the feelings that can overwhelm us daily.

If you stopped to think and analyse it, how often in a day do we experience (in no particular order and to name only a few) fear, panic, prevarication, isolation, desperation. I have realised that for me a combination of feelings, or even a single emotion, can leave me frozen inside with simply no sense of feeling anything. Isn't that another form of being overwhelmed?

Perhaps the second definition Defeat by force is applicable here. Because that state of being frozen means, in effect, that I am not able to function. I am defeated - "at a loss" in everyday language, even if only momentarily.

Have any of the following ever happened to you? Hearing bad news and grinning - it's like a nervous reaction. Being near someone who is crying and wanting to run away. Being in a train carriage with a few noisy youths and feeling panicky ... threatened. Being in a lift feeling trapped. Having to talk to someone you don't know and wanting to run and hide.

Being overwhelmed for me can take various forms and be caused be any number of things. Even compliments can be very confusing!!

The good news for today is that, having concluded that I have a heart of stone, because I often seem to feel nothing in some situations, perhaps, after all, I am feeling so much... it is... too much? Overwhelming.

All I need to do now ... is figure out what to do about it !!!!

If this sounds familiar please leave a message. Anon is fine. Dan x

That was the week that was

What a week. Busy every night. Ups and down. Finishing it feeling strong. In summary:

Monday - Vision night - thinking about the year ahead for our church. Brilliant that we gave away £110,000 this last year. Excited about the plans ahead. "better to fail trying than to fail to try".

Heard about another male suicide at lunchtime. 4th in six/eight months - what is going on guys? See my post on 2nd November "Uno, dos, tres.... "

Tuesday - parenting support group - thinking about how Ned perceives my love and what I need to do to adjust my behaviour to meet his needs. For instance, for Lent I haven't given anything up, but last week I decided I must smile more. Ned agreed !! I think when I am listening to Ned and he is describing his day I am too intent (listening for issues like bullying, performance or whatever) and probably look rather stern! I need to lighten up and respond in more overtly positive ways. SMILE!

Later - friend came over. Tragic news in her family. One of the toughest things I have ever heard. Can't say more - confidential.

Wednesday - line management meeting with Tom, football coach. Good planning time. He's a *

Felt I was hard on a friend this afternoon and perhaps hurt him. It hurt me to think so because he has been so gracious - I cannot always understand why such a great man would spend time with me - there it is again..."am I lovable" Bob Marley: "could ya be, could ya be, could ya be loved?

Thursday - a very dear friend lost his mum today. He is devasted, having no close family now.
He has asked me to support him at the funeral next Thursday and I am honoured. He has been an amazing support to me over 20 years.

M, know you are struggling too. Feio. You're on my mind and in my prayers. Likewise Jean.

Friday - intensive study weekend on team building. Hosting at my house tonight. Missing tomorrow morning because although I got the dates right I wrote them down in February - Doh! So, will be at Dads and Lads tomorrow. Great session last week so hoping for the same again.

Crucial six nations matches this weekend - looking forward to those.
Going home now.
Grace abounds.
Thanks for reading.

"Ooh, you are awful...

...but I like you!" Goes one of Dick Emery's larger than life 'female' characters, as she jovially shoves over another unsuspecting male!

Am I lovable? Are you lovable?

The answer to that question is an indication to much of our worldview today. If we have received positive messages of love, appreciation, encouragement and care, both explicitly and implicitly, throughout our lives (particularly in our formative years) then we probably believe that we are worth something; are of value; if only to someone else.

What if, say (as I heard told by someone) you are the youngest in a family; you weren't 'planned' and, as you grow, your mum introduces you to friends and associates as "our little mistake"?

What if your are the daughter that came instead of a son?
What if your are a son and not a daughter?

What if you were given away - adopted? Taken away and fostered?

What if your parents split up and their behaviour lead you to think (as a child) that it was your fault - that if only you had been better behaved or...something... they would have stayed together and not torn your world in half?

What if you had a domineering or abusive or violent or absent Dad?
What if you had a controlling mother who would not let you grow up?

What if you learnt to get attention from your parents by getting good grades in school, or shoplifting? What's your "if"....?

Are you lovable? You are. Yes, you are.
Am I lovable? I am. Yes, I am.

What if we believed it? What might we achieve? What healing might come? Which relationship might we start, sustain, or thrive in?

"Ooh, you are lovable..." :o)

High hopes

Derived from the Indo-European root kam / kem, which means, "to cover, to veil, to hide and to wound" comes the word shame.

We may experience shame following an experience of exposure, particularly when what is sensitive, intimate and vulnerable for us, is revealed or laid bare. The exposure may not only be to others, but perhaps a revelation to ourselves, e.g. how we behave when we are drunk, can be so out of "character". We all have a tendency not to admit to certain personal qualities!

What is common in all experiences of shame is feeling we have failed to meet our personal expectations and standards. Thoughts and feelings of self-dislike, self-condemnation and self-denigration will be present and perhaps be almost overwhelming.

The psychological impact of shame can be amazingly subtle, yet can cripple our journey towards wholeness.

Shame means we believe ourselves to be bad, defective and wanting. A deficit of love, a need for comfort and reassurance are familiar to me.

"Shame is associated with helplessness, weakness and loss of control; it is an experience involving intense feelings of painful embarrassment, humiliated anger and a sense of devastation. There are feelings of shrinkage and diminution, which is quite the opposite of feeling a rooted sense of competence and self worth." © Terry Bi rchmore. 1997.

Shame

Shame - [Collins dict.] a painful emotion caused by awareness of having done something dishonourable or foolish. Capacity to feel shame; cause of shame; cause for regret; disgrace.