High hopes

Derived from the Indo-European root kam / kem, which means, "to cover, to veil, to hide and to wound" comes the word shame.

We may experience shame following an experience of exposure, particularly when what is sensitive, intimate and vulnerable for us, is revealed or laid bare. The exposure may not only be to others, but perhaps a revelation to ourselves, e.g. how we behave when we are drunk, can be so out of "character". We all have a tendency not to admit to certain personal qualities!

What is common in all experiences of shame is feeling we have failed to meet our personal expectations and standards. Thoughts and feelings of self-dislike, self-condemnation and self-denigration will be present and perhaps be almost overwhelming.

The psychological impact of shame can be amazingly subtle, yet can cripple our journey towards wholeness.

Shame means we believe ourselves to be bad, defective and wanting. A deficit of love, a need for comfort and reassurance are familiar to me.

"Shame is associated with helplessness, weakness and loss of control; it is an experience involving intense feelings of painful embarrassment, humiliated anger and a sense of devastation. There are feelings of shrinkage and diminution, which is quite the opposite of feeling a rooted sense of competence and self worth." © Terry Bi rchmore. 1997.