I love a lot of Woody Allen's movies. Annie Hall is one of my favs and it was making me laugh at the weekend. One bit made me roar anew: he is dating a 17 year old (interesting as it later turned out in reality).
She says to him: Dont you have feelings for me?
Reply: I have nothing but feelings for you.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Grasping the nettle
Was chatting to a mate on Sunday who chose to report a colleague for alcohol abuse.
The colleague had been part of the relief effort following the Tsunami. On his return he requested counselling from his employer who refused. He was increasingly struggling to come to terms with what he saw in Asia and turned to alcohol as an escape.
This went unnoticed for months as the man was drinking aftershave to cover the smell on his breath (Ed - I had never heard that before and am still slightly stunned)
My mate noticed and chose to jeopordise their relationship by informing a senior who took the matter on. He is now receiving the help he wanted, and is truly grateful that someone stuck their neck out for him to. A member of HR is being disciplined.
Grasping the nettle. Not easy. Risky. But worth it. Well done big man
The colleague had been part of the relief effort following the Tsunami. On his return he requested counselling from his employer who refused. He was increasingly struggling to come to terms with what he saw in Asia and turned to alcohol as an escape.
This went unnoticed for months as the man was drinking aftershave to cover the smell on his breath (Ed - I had never heard that before and am still slightly stunned)
My mate noticed and chose to jeopordise their relationship by informing a senior who took the matter on. He is now receiving the help he wanted, and is truly grateful that someone stuck their neck out for him to. A member of HR is being disciplined.
Grasping the nettle. Not easy. Risky. But worth it. Well done big man
To an adopted child
RECEIVED THIS ON EMAIL THIS WEEK - love that someone took the time to write:
When I listened to your testimony on Father's Day, I was really sad that you felt the way you did because you were adopted. Being adopted myself, I had years of mixed emotions, ranging from absolute bitterness and rage, to the deepest love for my adopted mother and father. It probably helped that I met my birth mother, who turned out to be very shallow and only interested in herself. However, by meeting my birth mother, I realised that my adopted mother was my true mother as she loved me from the moment she set eyes on me.
This poem also helped me in my deepest times of despair, because it is about the deep love that an adopted mother feels for her baby. I hope it brings you the same comfort. Depending on how I am feeling when I read it, it still normally reduces me to tears.
My favourite line is 'you are my heart's adopted part of me'.
To me, that line is so powerful of the love the mother feels towards her baby. That strength of love, is the same love that I felt for my 2 girls when they were born. Anyway, I hope you like it.
When I listened to your testimony on Father's Day, I was really sad that you felt the way you did because you were adopted. Being adopted myself, I had years of mixed emotions, ranging from absolute bitterness and rage, to the deepest love for my adopted mother and father. It probably helped that I met my birth mother, who turned out to be very shallow and only interested in herself. However, by meeting my birth mother, I realised that my adopted mother was my true mother as she loved me from the moment she set eyes on me.
This poem also helped me in my deepest times of despair, because it is about the deep love that an adopted mother feels for her baby. I hope it brings you the same comfort. Depending on how I am feeling when I read it, it still normally reduces me to tears.
'To an adopted child'
Dear, do not weep. By every act of mine
I am your mother...by my sleeples nights,
By every step in the long days's design
That I have taken, by the sweet delights
Of your blessed companionship, by the clear gaze,
By all my care in your begining days,
Your warm, soft body held against my breast
Warmed me and dried my disappointed tears,
You made a real home of our lonely nest.
Now we look forward to the fruitful years
With you beside us bearing in your hands
The love that every mother heart demands.
I am your mother, though you may not be
Flesh of my flesh. Our love goes deeper still.
You are my heart's adopted part of me.
I am your mother by the power of will.
Because I did not want to walk alone......
From the whole world, I chose you for my own.
Anne Campbell - author
My favourite line is 'you are my heart's adopted part of me'.
To me, that line is so powerful of the love the mother feels towards her baby. That strength of love, is the same love that I felt for my 2 girls when they were born. Anyway, I hope you like it.
Never gonna change
I kinda like the fact that I get told off for not blogging!
I was informed yesterday that someone 'wastes' two seconds of every day clicking my way to see if I've blogged. And that someone they know, but I don't, checks things out and was wondering what I was up to! Phew - no pressure!!
As you can see from the blog beneath I've been non-stop. Sorry. Please don't give up on me.
Saw a good mate last night and we do level 5 together. He hasn't given up on someone who had said to him "we're never gonna change". My take on the context being - this is how it is - take it or leave it - don't expect anything different than how its been for years - you're not going to influence anything in our lives.
This struck me as incredibly hard. Hard to hear, but also hard to say.
I may disappear up my own arse on occasions (as mentioned by a mate some months back!) but its the journey I'm on. Moving. Forward. Learning. Stumbling. Backwards. Falling. Getting back up. Challenge. Change. Revision. Pain. Achievement. Satisfaction. Growth... I hope. I think. I believe.
What is there in my life that is never gonna change. I wonder?
I am experiencing new things right now. Some of that is about "grasping the risk" I think? I am learning about care and being cared about. Told I am loveable. Hearing I am love-able. Feels great. Hopeful. :o)
What is there in your life that is never gonna change. Do you wonder?
I was informed yesterday that someone 'wastes' two seconds of every day clicking my way to see if I've blogged. And that someone they know, but I don't, checks things out and was wondering what I was up to! Phew - no pressure!!
As you can see from the blog beneath I've been non-stop. Sorry. Please don't give up on me.
Saw a good mate last night and we do level 5 together. He hasn't given up on someone who had said to him "we're never gonna change". My take on the context being - this is how it is - take it or leave it - don't expect anything different than how its been for years - you're not going to influence anything in our lives.
This struck me as incredibly hard. Hard to hear, but also hard to say.
I may disappear up my own arse on occasions (as mentioned by a mate some months back!) but its the journey I'm on. Moving. Forward. Learning. Stumbling. Backwards. Falling. Getting back up. Challenge. Change. Revision. Pain. Achievement. Satisfaction. Growth... I hope. I think. I believe.
What is there in my life that is never gonna change. I wonder?
I am experiencing new things right now. Some of that is about "grasping the risk" I think? I am learning about care and being cared about. Told I am loveable. Hearing I am love-able. Feels great. Hopeful. :o)
What is there in your life that is never gonna change. Do you wonder?
I love my job! :o)
I have spent over a year working on a housing scheme for homeless people in West London. Not that I undertake any of the construction work myself, but I project manage the thing from concept to opening.
The scheme provides 10 additional self-contained studio flats in an annexe / extension to the existing building, and these are intended for young homeless people who are more independent than those living in the Phase I bedsits. The new wing gives the guys potential to move from Phase I into Phase II.
Additionally there is a residents lounge, IT suite, laundry, interview room, with the relocation of the office (with a small kitchen area) and staff to a new secure reception. Two flats and the communal areas will be designed to support clients with sensory impairment.
Last Monday we should have received the keys from the Building Contractor (following delays in June and August) and I had a timetable to prepare the flats and common areas for residence. This would include placing in the rooms: beds and bedding, all the furniture, curtains / blinds, office equipment, kitting out the kitchens with everything normally found in a kitchen, and so on. It's like moving flat 10 times in 6 days!
However, my week has 'gone pear-shaped' for a variety of reasons, but overall because not a single contractor has meet the agreed deadlines so far. Grrrrrrrr....
I have tried to manage my frustration, irritation and incredulity at the incompetence of some organisations to deliver on their commitments. I have had extremes of peace and calm, when I managed very well I think, and private despair!
Now looking at a final date of Friday next week.... maybe... if everyone does what they should. I love my job! :o)
The scheme provides 10 additional self-contained studio flats in an annexe / extension to the existing building, and these are intended for young homeless people who are more independent than those living in the Phase I bedsits. The new wing gives the guys potential to move from Phase I into Phase II.
Additionally there is a residents lounge, IT suite, laundry, interview room, with the relocation of the office (with a small kitchen area) and staff to a new secure reception. Two flats and the communal areas will be designed to support clients with sensory impairment.
Last Monday we should have received the keys from the Building Contractor (following delays in June and August) and I had a timetable to prepare the flats and common areas for residence. This would include placing in the rooms: beds and bedding, all the furniture, curtains / blinds, office equipment, kitting out the kitchens with everything normally found in a kitchen, and so on. It's like moving flat 10 times in 6 days!
However, my week has 'gone pear-shaped' for a variety of reasons, but overall because not a single contractor has meet the agreed deadlines so far. Grrrrrrrr....
I have tried to manage my frustration, irritation and incredulity at the incompetence of some organisations to deliver on their commitments. I have had extremes of peace and calm, when I managed very well I think, and private despair!
Now looking at a final date of Friday next week.... maybe... if everyone does what they should. I love my job! :o)
Friday, September 15, 2006
Grasping the risk
Today is 21/9 - I read the above recently and posted it as a draft ready to blog as I didn't have time to comment on 15th - can barely remember where I picked it up (probably Pip's blog... http://pipwilsonbhp.blogspot.com/...) nor even what I was gonna say!!!
Maybe it's just for you...unadulterated by comment from me?
Maybe it's just for you...unadulterated by comment from me?
So often we build prisons for ourselves. We blame others for our confines, but it us who constrict ourselves all along. Most of the walls in our lives we build ourselves.
But sometimes, just once in a while, we get a glimpse of the infinity of the universe and know that God is at work. That's when we must choose to stay in the prison or grasp the risk
John Donaghue (from 'Anam Cara').
Monday, September 04, 2006
9/11 - Five years on
I watched an amazing film documentary on Saturday night about a 3-man camera crew following a rookie fire-fighter as he graduated from the Training Academy to being posted to a Fire Station. The footage began in June 2001 and showed life behind the scenes and how he (Tony) fared in the early days. What was striking, as we saw footage from the summer months, was the camaraderie between the guys in the battalion, their commitment to training and professionalism, and how they felt they were contributing to society.
In the early morning of Tuesday 11th September a unit was called out to attend a gas leak. One of the film crew (one of two brothers [who were French]) was, as usual, present. The job was just about resolved when they heard an airplane, flying low, pass over them. The camera man panned left and upwards to focus on the jet, just before it hit the World Trade Centre.
The programme from there on was incredible, as the events unfolded, and very moving.
That anyone should have been filming as the first plan hit the WTC was unbelievable, but the camera man followed the crew into the lobby and continued to shoot as the attempted 'rescue' mission unfolded. We witnessed the fire-fighters at the command post try to grapple with the situation and respond appropriately. We met briefly the first recorded casualty - the Chaplain, pacing the lobby, praying.
We heard crashes from outside, loud enough to be picked up by the camera mic inside the building, that were, it transpired, people jumping from the upper floors as the fire raged where the airplanes fuel had ignited - you will remember the terrible smoke pouring from the tower.
The action switched between the lobby (of tower 1) and the other brother who was trying to get to the scene and was, also, still filming. So we had two views of the second plan hitting the other tower.
Later, as the second tower collapsed into a mound of rubble we, as all in the lobby did, heard and 'felt' the rumble as the foundations shattered and concrete descended. Everyone ran.
In the street they ran too. The camera continued to record even as the cameraman was tackled by a fireman from behind to save him from the tidal wave of debris - we saw clouds of dust and grime breaking across the pavement, papers from the former offices sticking and blowing away from the lens... It must have lasted a couple of minutes.
It is miraculous that such a record exists. Perhaps more so that none of the Battalion from that Station lost a life. Though the Chief's brother lost his.
Often the horror and the drama of an event is portrayed in theatrical mode - not so here. This was live footage, later mixed with interviews. Stunning. One officer, who retired six months later, shared that he thinks about 9/11 everyday.
I wrote a poem on 17/09/01 with the comment: Moved by, and a reflection on, recent global events. I haven't thought about this poem for years - I print it here for you now, though I am pondering whether it was a valid comment for then, or for now? What do you think?
-------------------------------------
Tears weigh heavy on my heart
-------------------------------------
When I think of all the life wasted,
Not here by famine or flood.
By some who took it so easy jet.
And look at your hands - is that blood?
Why do we cry now so freely?
With tears, for injustice; in pain.
I sense the moment surreally,
My senses doused andinflamedd just the same.
I wonder quite how we arrived here?
For we the High way was long.
Our carriage decidedly comfy?
We were much too alright to see wrong.
Afar the thousands pass through,
This world, in a moment alone.
Not wished for by us, that's true.
But if we could change it - wouldn't you?
So where do we queue and whom do we call?
To amend the worldly constitution.
There is nowhere perhaps, except the "I will",
To pass a new resolution.
Come the next chance to alter the course,
Of the path that we walk everyday.
Don't add or subtract, duck or detour,
When the traffic is coming your way.
For we had no idea,
Of suffering that's clear.
When ours is minutely...theirs secondly.
The multiple for many more dear.
Shall we still, wash our hands,
Or our neighbours feet,
Consider each soul as a grain of sand?
Thus, in time, who knows where next we'll meet?
Wait! "Someone must pay!"
What again; not again. Evermore?
Why can't we dismount this cycle?
Forgiveness would even the score.
History notes: one man resolved with His breath.
Settled the wages of war, and of death.
Be not liable for investment in stealth. Instead,
Share the dividend. Lives saved. Oh wealth!
So today may our voices be yelled,
Against global revenge and spillage.
Or the hope that tomorrow held,
May never shake, as yesterdays city nee Village.
In the early morning of Tuesday 11th September a unit was called out to attend a gas leak. One of the film crew (one of two brothers [who were French]) was, as usual, present. The job was just about resolved when they heard an airplane, flying low, pass over them. The camera man panned left and upwards to focus on the jet, just before it hit the World Trade Centre.
The programme from there on was incredible, as the events unfolded, and very moving.
That anyone should have been filming as the first plan hit the WTC was unbelievable, but the camera man followed the crew into the lobby and continued to shoot as the attempted 'rescue' mission unfolded. We witnessed the fire-fighters at the command post try to grapple with the situation and respond appropriately. We met briefly the first recorded casualty - the Chaplain, pacing the lobby, praying.
We heard crashes from outside, loud enough to be picked up by the camera mic inside the building, that were, it transpired, people jumping from the upper floors as the fire raged where the airplanes fuel had ignited - you will remember the terrible smoke pouring from the tower.
The action switched between the lobby (of tower 1) and the other brother who was trying to get to the scene and was, also, still filming. So we had two views of the second plan hitting the other tower.
Later, as the second tower collapsed into a mound of rubble we, as all in the lobby did, heard and 'felt' the rumble as the foundations shattered and concrete descended. Everyone ran.
In the street they ran too. The camera continued to record even as the cameraman was tackled by a fireman from behind to save him from the tidal wave of debris - we saw clouds of dust and grime breaking across the pavement, papers from the former offices sticking and blowing away from the lens... It must have lasted a couple of minutes.
It is miraculous that such a record exists. Perhaps more so that none of the Battalion from that Station lost a life. Though the Chief's brother lost his.
Often the horror and the drama of an event is portrayed in theatrical mode - not so here. This was live footage, later mixed with interviews. Stunning. One officer, who retired six months later, shared that he thinks about 9/11 everyday.
I wrote a poem on 17/09/01 with the comment: Moved by, and a reflection on, recent global events. I haven't thought about this poem for years - I print it here for you now, though I am pondering whether it was a valid comment for then, or for now? What do you think?
-------------------------------------
Tears weigh heavy on my heart
-------------------------------------
When I think of all the life wasted,
Not here by famine or flood.
By some who took it so easy jet.
And look at your hands - is that blood?
Why do we cry now so freely?
With tears, for injustice; in pain.
I sense the moment surreally,
My senses doused andinflamedd just the same.
I wonder quite how we arrived here?
For we the High way was long.
Our carriage decidedly comfy?
We were much too alright to see wrong.
Afar the thousands pass through,
This world, in a moment alone.
Not wished for by us, that's true.
But if we could change it - wouldn't you?
So where do we queue and whom do we call?
To amend the worldly constitution.
There is nowhere perhaps, except the "I will",
To pass a new resolution.
Come the next chance to alter the course,
Of the path that we walk everyday.
Don't add or subtract, duck or detour,
When the traffic is coming your way.
For we had no idea,
Of suffering that's clear.
When ours is minutely...theirs secondly.
The multiple for many more dear.
Shall we still, wash our hands,
Or our neighbours feet,
Consider each soul as a grain of sand?
Thus, in time, who knows where next we'll meet?
Wait! "Someone must pay!"
What again; not again. Evermore?
Why can't we dismount this cycle?
Forgiveness would even the score.
History notes: one man resolved with His breath.
Settled the wages of war, and of death.
Be not liable for investment in stealth. Instead,
Share the dividend. Lives saved. Oh wealth!
So today may our voices be yelled,
Against global revenge and spillage.
Or the hope that tomorrow held,
May never shake, as yesterdays city nee Village.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Am I....
... loveable?
It seems to me that this is one of the defining questions of our lives.
How we answer will shape much of our behaviour, whether we perceive it or not. The answer will shape what we do and how we act, intentionally or subconsciously. Moreover, that will determine the answer to this question: "Am I love-able?"
Ask yourself (you may want to reflect on your initial response):
Am I loveable?
Am I love-able?
It seems to me that this is one of the defining questions of our lives.
How we answer will shape much of our behaviour, whether we perceive it or not. The answer will shape what we do and how we act, intentionally or subconsciously. Moreover, that will determine the answer to this question: "Am I love-able?"
Ask yourself (you may want to reflect on your initial response):
Am I loveable?
Am I love-able?
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Redemption Songs - Greenbelt 06
This Poem/Prayer was written by Martin Wroe for the moment Greenbelt opened on Friday. I only got to read it later when Pip showed it to me as he was blogging (see http://pipwilsonbhp.blogspot.com/) and think it's amazing - love the way Marley and Micah are woven together. Met Martin briefly on Monday but it was just before Pete Rollins so no time to say thanks.
Redemption Song for Greenbelt 06
We are not on our own this weekend
We are together
We are not singing solo
We are a massed choir
We are not singing songs for ourselves
We are singing songs for each other
Songs of freedom
Because none of us is free
Until all of us are free
Songs of hope
About a movement of Jah people
Away from a land of war and greed
Away from a world policed by soldiers
From the heart of America
We are going to Exodus land
Where the song of redemption
Is not just for ourselves
But for our sisters and brothers in every country
Redemption songs
From South Africa to the Lebanon
From the Middle East to middle England
From the West Wing to the West Bank
From the House of Commons to the House of Big Brother
Songs of freedom, anthems of liberation
At Greenbelt 06
The sweet melody of emancipation
To hear how the hand of the Almighty
Can free this world from mental slavery
From physical slavery,
From emotional, political and economic slavery
From the slavery of the self
Into the freedom of Love
The freedom of Truth
Who will set us free
Give us your help good Lord
To sing these songs of freedom
We want to be
One Love, One Heart
We want to
Get together and feel alright
Cus way down inside us
And way out beyond us
All we ever knew was redemption songs
Songs of freedom Redemption songs
Redemption to what we were made for
Dreamed for
Loved into being for
Redemption from slavery and drudgery
From envy and vanity
Redemption from materialism and consumerism
From sectarianism, pessimism and
Loony fundamentalism
Redemption Songs
Where all of us are free
Where we can
Get up, Stand up,
Stand up for the rights
Of the people that Jesus Christ remembers
Even if everyone else forgets them
A song of Redemption in the poor world
From slavery to the rich world
A song of redemption in the rich world
From slavery to false dreams
We want to hear how the hand of the Almighty
Can free this world from mental slavery
We want to
Get up, Stand up
And not give up the fight
A song about a world where
No woman, no man, no child
Does no crying no more
A song of redemption where all people choose to
Do justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly and
Live generously
On the good earth
You have
Loaned us
A song of freedom from addiction
To substances which are choking our planet to death
A song of redemption where
Every little thing’s gonna be alright
A song saying thanks and praise to the Lord
And we will feel alright
Saying let’s get together and feel alright
Cus our hands will be made strong
by the hand of the Almighty
All we ever had
Redemption Songs
Won’t you help to sing these songs of freedom
All we ever had
Redemption songs
One love, one heart
Let’s get together and feel alright
Give thanks and praise to the lord
And it will be alright
Give thanks and praise to the lord
Cus all we ever had was songs of freedoms
Redemption songs
Redemption Song for Greenbelt 06
We are not on our own this weekend
We are together
We are not singing solo
We are a massed choir
We are not singing songs for ourselves
We are singing songs for each other
Songs of freedom
Because none of us is free
Until all of us are free
Songs of hope
About a movement of Jah people
Away from a land of war and greed
Away from a world policed by soldiers
From the heart of America
We are going to Exodus land
Where the song of redemption
Is not just for ourselves
But for our sisters and brothers in every country
Redemption songs
From South Africa to the Lebanon
From the Middle East to middle England
From the West Wing to the West Bank
From the House of Commons to the House of Big Brother
Songs of freedom, anthems of liberation
At Greenbelt 06
The sweet melody of emancipation
To hear how the hand of the Almighty
Can free this world from mental slavery
From physical slavery,
From emotional, political and economic slavery
From the slavery of the self
Into the freedom of Love
The freedom of Truth
Who will set us free
Give us your help good Lord
To sing these songs of freedom
We want to be
One Love, One Heart
We want to
Get together and feel alright
Cus way down inside us
And way out beyond us
All we ever knew was redemption songs
Songs of freedom Redemption songs
Redemption to what we were made for
Dreamed for
Loved into being for
Redemption from slavery and drudgery
From envy and vanity
Redemption from materialism and consumerism
From sectarianism, pessimism and
Loony fundamentalism
Redemption Songs
Where all of us are free
Where we can
Get up, Stand up,
Stand up for the rights
Of the people that Jesus Christ remembers
Even if everyone else forgets them
A song of Redemption in the poor world
From slavery to the rich world
A song of redemption in the rich world
From slavery to false dreams
We want to hear how the hand of the Almighty
Can free this world from mental slavery
We want to
Get up, Stand up
And not give up the fight
A song about a world where
No woman, no man, no child
Does no crying no more
A song of redemption where all people choose to
Do justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly and
Live generously
On the good earth
You have
Loaned us
A song of freedom from addiction
To substances which are choking our planet to death
A song of redemption where
Every little thing’s gonna be alright
A song saying thanks and praise to the Lord
And we will feel alright
Saying let’s get together and feel alright
Cus our hands will be made strong
by the hand of the Almighty
All we ever had
Redemption Songs
Won’t you help to sing these songs of freedom
All we ever had
Redemption songs
One love, one heart
Let’s get together and feel alright
Give thanks and praise to the lord
And it will be alright
Give thanks and praise to the lord
Cus all we ever had was songs of freedoms
Redemption songs
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
5 more words, 2 more songs, and a hymn of thanks
Let's do this....
1. tired
2. unsettled
3. restless
4. thoughtful (but process murky!)
5. lonely
Two more slow grooves to curdle your soul and your tonsils:
The Thrill is Gone - B.B. King
Ball and Chain - Big Mama Thornton
Popped into see Ned on the way home from Greenbelt, Cheltenham, last night. Hadn't seen him for 10 days. His mom called him from the 3rd floor bedroom. He came pounding down the stairs, ran down the hall and threw himself at me.
Reminds me of a question Claudia asked me Saturday night - what was the most important lesson I had learnt as a dad the last five years. I admit it took me a few minutes to answer and rather tentatively I offerred the power of love - particularly that I find in, and for, and from my son.
And,
as I dwell on that now,
unconditional love.
Charges at you after a time of separation.
Kisses your forehead as you awake to a new day.
Buys you a present on holiday.
Insists on spending entire pocket money, on Father's Day,
to buy England memorabilia for the World Cup.
That wants to just sit,
play a game,
or read a book,
simply to be together.
6. Dan - you lucky, lucky bastard
1. tired
2. unsettled
3. restless
4. thoughtful (but process murky!)
5. lonely
Two more slow grooves to curdle your soul and your tonsils:
The Thrill is Gone - B.B. King
Ball and Chain - Big Mama Thornton
Popped into see Ned on the way home from Greenbelt, Cheltenham, last night. Hadn't seen him for 10 days. His mom called him from the 3rd floor bedroom. He came pounding down the stairs, ran down the hall and threw himself at me.
Reminds me of a question Claudia asked me Saturday night - what was the most important lesson I had learnt as a dad the last five years. I admit it took me a few minutes to answer and rather tentatively I offerred the power of love - particularly that I find in, and for, and from my son.
And,
as I dwell on that now,
unconditional love.
Charges at you after a time of separation.
Kisses your forehead as you awake to a new day.
Buys you a present on holiday.
Insists on spending entire pocket money, on Father's Day,
to buy England memorabilia for the World Cup.
That wants to just sit,
play a game,
or read a book,
simply to be together.
6. Dan - you lucky, lucky bastard
"Frankie says, no more"
Finally I have got around to blogging again. Probably to an audience of one now (me!) as you've given up checking.
Funny how things ground to a halt over the World Cup! Have been mega busy since - will try to fill in the gaps later - was at the Greenbelt Arts Festival over the weekend so gonna start there.
Was managing a seminar and talk venue (Sovereign). I really enjoy doing this venue - the programme changed from last year so I got to stay put, but see some different stuff:
FRIDAY
Bill Drummond (ex KLF art-ironist) - session ran 2.5 hours until midnight [called "The 17"] open to only the first 34 people! Closed, no spectators. Bill explained his thought processes and why he thinks music needs to start again. Fascinating concept - what if there were no music? We could recall that there used to be, and that it was important to us, but that was all. What would we do? Bill had an option....
SATURDAY
Claudia May - What Christians can learn from the blues. A really interesting woman who delivered a thought-provoking talk with some fab CD clips from Big Mama Thornton. Caught up with Claudia in the Contributors lounge late in the evening and we slipped into level 4.5 real quick. Loved chatting over a mug of tea and noodles!
Harold Hoyle
Religious education painful? Not anymore. Was busy / distracted for much of the session, but liked this guy who works with kids or on the edges of society, excluded, or in prison.
Born Again - with Glen Patterson, the author/reason behind the film/documentary, introduced by Gareth Higgins. Most of the session was a Q&A between Gareth and Glen as the latter forgot to bring the film on DVD! Nonetheless it was an absorbing discussion about the term "Born Again" and what it means to different people. Glen professes no Christian faith now - would have liked to see the DVD as the anecdotes ranged from hilarious to big-time cringe. Glen had some disturbing insights about religion / faith / sectarianism and people who confess conversion experiences.
Life Art - featuring a naked man and 27 artists keen to sketch him! Saw lots of the drawings afterwards and they were very good. Wish I had that gift.
[Glad to have been introduced to Ian Long (artist behind the 'Blobs') by Pip Wilson earlier in the day and strike a conversation as squeezing this session into the schedule was problematic. I don't think any of the punters were any the wiser and I was able to thank Ian for the Dads + Lads blob drawing so that's cool !!]
SUNDAY
Michael Symmons Roberts - Bodies, loved and wounded, dead and risen. Michael is a poet and he read his work for about 45 minutes - it was excellent and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing it. Meant to get to the bookshop to buy his book but bumped into an old friend and settled for a brew instead.
Ibrahim Hewitt - From mission hall to mosque: a journey of faith. A Geordie, this man converted to Islam and told his story to a packed, respectful audience. I was impressed with his narrative and reflections on being a British Muslim. May God / Allah bless him (may His name be praised).
Jean-Claude Bragard and Anna Cox - these guys are the producers of the series shown on BBC1 in July "Miracles of Jesus". I saw some on TV, but not much, so was glad to see 4 clips from it which brought informed debate and feedback. This session was typical of one that I would not chose to go to but was glad I was there to hear the issues around broadcasting religious programmes. This department is responsible for Songs of Praise, the Heaven and Earth show, Son of God on BBC1 and Noah's Ark on BBC2 and more. Similarly on:
MONDAY
Christina Morgan and Trevor Barnes - Religion on radio. These guys have been involved with BBC Radio for decades between them, and involved with (as I recall) Thought for the Day and Beyond Belief on Radio 4 amongst many other programmes etc. The delicacies of trying to position debate and draw articulate contributions from all faith communitiess was well conveyed when the 'facts' (truth?) are so highly emotive and open to broad interpretation and application.
I just looked at the BBC's website on religion where they have a comments section for different faiths. Gob smacked how often listeners are posting on this site, but then at some point Trevor quoted someone as saying "religion is the new history". http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbreligion/
Pete Rollins - The fidelity of betrayal: what would Judas do? Another session with people turned away. A few shenanigans (!!!) as we tried to switch venue at the last moment to try to accommodate everyone, however a downpour put paid to that. Pete was quite a guy - about 30 (?), from Northern Ireland, involved with Icon (sounded like an alternative worship thing [won't say emerging though, Pete, in case you ever read this!!!] exploring faith and worship through questions rather than providing answers - my interpretation of what I heard!).
Pete talked at a million miles an hour (much to the chagrin of the deaf signers!) and had an impressive grasp of theology and philosophy that he conveyed thoughtfully and provocatively in relation to his subject, which I just about kept up with, maybe, I couldn't tell you much more of what he said! He drew the youngest, coolest support of the weekend and told a couple of the best jokes I've heard in ages!
Vic Thiessen - I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Taking his title from Apocalypse Now, Vic spoke on Redemptive Violence in Cinema - good stuff, good DVD clips. He did well juggling the technology!
So there, that was my 'day job' at the weekend. Loved it :o)
Funny how things ground to a halt over the World Cup! Have been mega busy since - will try to fill in the gaps later - was at the Greenbelt Arts Festival over the weekend so gonna start there.
Was managing a seminar and talk venue (Sovereign). I really enjoy doing this venue - the programme changed from last year so I got to stay put, but see some different stuff:
FRIDAY
Bill Drummond (ex KLF art-ironist) - session ran 2.5 hours until midnight [called "The 17"] open to only the first 34 people! Closed, no spectators. Bill explained his thought processes and why he thinks music needs to start again. Fascinating concept - what if there were no music? We could recall that there used to be, and that it was important to us, but that was all. What would we do? Bill had an option....
SATURDAY
Claudia May - What Christians can learn from the blues. A really interesting woman who delivered a thought-provoking talk with some fab CD clips from Big Mama Thornton. Caught up with Claudia in the Contributors lounge late in the evening and we slipped into level 4.5 real quick. Loved chatting over a mug of tea and noodles!
Harold Hoyle
Religious education painful? Not anymore. Was busy / distracted for much of the session, but liked this guy who works with kids or on the edges of society, excluded, or in prison.
Born Again - with Glen Patterson, the author/reason behind the film/documentary, introduced by Gareth Higgins. Most of the session was a Q&A between Gareth and Glen as the latter forgot to bring the film on DVD! Nonetheless it was an absorbing discussion about the term "Born Again" and what it means to different people. Glen professes no Christian faith now - would have liked to see the DVD as the anecdotes ranged from hilarious to big-time cringe. Glen had some disturbing insights about religion / faith / sectarianism and people who confess conversion experiences.
Life Art - featuring a naked man and 27 artists keen to sketch him! Saw lots of the drawings afterwards and they were very good. Wish I had that gift.
[Glad to have been introduced to Ian Long (artist behind the 'Blobs') by Pip Wilson earlier in the day and strike a conversation as squeezing this session into the schedule was problematic. I don't think any of the punters were any the wiser and I was able to thank Ian for the Dads + Lads blob drawing so that's cool !!]
SUNDAY
Michael Symmons Roberts - Bodies, loved and wounded, dead and risen. Michael is a poet and he read his work for about 45 minutes - it was excellent and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing it. Meant to get to the bookshop to buy his book but bumped into an old friend and settled for a brew instead.
Ibrahim Hewitt - From mission hall to mosque: a journey of faith. A Geordie, this man converted to Islam and told his story to a packed, respectful audience. I was impressed with his narrative and reflections on being a British Muslim. May God / Allah bless him (may His name be praised).
Jean-Claude Bragard and Anna Cox - these guys are the producers of the series shown on BBC1 in July "Miracles of Jesus". I saw some on TV, but not much, so was glad to see 4 clips from it which brought informed debate and feedback. This session was typical of one that I would not chose to go to but was glad I was there to hear the issues around broadcasting religious programmes. This department is responsible for Songs of Praise, the Heaven and Earth show, Son of God on BBC1 and Noah's Ark on BBC2 and more. Similarly on:
MONDAY
Christina Morgan and Trevor Barnes - Religion on radio. These guys have been involved with BBC Radio for decades between them, and involved with (as I recall) Thought for the Day and Beyond Belief on Radio 4 amongst many other programmes etc. The delicacies of trying to position debate and draw articulate contributions from all faith communitiess was well conveyed when the 'facts' (truth?) are so highly emotive and open to broad interpretation and application.
I just looked at the BBC's website on religion where they have a comments section for different faiths. Gob smacked how often listeners are posting on this site, but then at some point Trevor quoted someone as saying "religion is the new history". http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbreligion/
Pete Rollins - The fidelity of betrayal: what would Judas do? Another session with people turned away. A few shenanigans (!!!) as we tried to switch venue at the last moment to try to accommodate everyone, however a downpour put paid to that. Pete was quite a guy - about 30 (?), from Northern Ireland, involved with Icon (sounded like an alternative worship thing [won't say emerging though, Pete, in case you ever read this!!!] exploring faith and worship through questions rather than providing answers - my interpretation of what I heard!).
Pete talked at a million miles an hour (much to the chagrin of the deaf signers!) and had an impressive grasp of theology and philosophy that he conveyed thoughtfully and provocatively in relation to his subject, which I just about kept up with, maybe, I couldn't tell you much more of what he said! He drew the youngest, coolest support of the weekend and told a couple of the best jokes I've heard in ages!
Vic Thiessen - I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Taking his title from Apocalypse Now, Vic spoke on Redemptive Violence in Cinema - good stuff, good DVD clips. He did well juggling the technology!
So there, that was my 'day job' at the weekend. Loved it :o)
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Football quotes
Have seen or received these via a couple or sources today. Enjoy:
''My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7."
David Beckham
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league."
Mark Viduka
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."
David Beckham
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." Alan Shearer
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." Mark Draper
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." Peter Shilton
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester." Stan Collymore
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." Ugo Ehiogu
"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough." Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." Stuart Pearce
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right."
Lee Hendrie
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush
"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." Steve Lomas
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."
Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." David Beckham
"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European."
Phil Neville
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed."
Mitchell Thomas
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
Johnny Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals." Thierry Henry
''My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7."
David Beckham
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league."
Mark Viduka
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."
David Beckham
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." Alan Shearer
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." Mark Draper
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." Peter Shilton
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester." Stan Collymore
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." Ugo Ehiogu
"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough." Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." Stuart Pearce
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right."
Lee Hendrie
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush
"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." Steve Lomas
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."
Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." David Beckham
"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European."
Phil Neville
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed."
Mitchell Thomas
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
Johnny Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals." Thierry Henry
5 more words + 2 more songs
Realised that I am having some backlash from speaking Sunday (and perhaps my blog here on Friday?) - have spent lots of time on the PS2 over last two nights - last being 3am
- Escaping
- Weary (there's a surprise!)
- Numb
- Unfocussed
- Uneasy
Don't feel entirely downcast as I think about this. Guess it's a short term coping mechanism which has slightly crept up on me, but feels ok to have spotted it. What else might I have done? PS2 is a filthy habit, but there are worse!! It is, or can be, addictive however.
Ned left his current game at his mum's place at the weekend and has decided not to play this week - so far so good - and it's great to see him tuning out of it - he's a better man than me at times!!!
Helpful to blog as the feelings were felt. TTFN x
Oh, and two more beautiful songs:
- Mabe tomorrow - Stereophonics
- I want you back for good - Take That
Belly up
Saw this today on http://www.youthblog.org/ which I read occasionally - this first one made me belly laugh!
DAV1NC1 C0DE
A Theologian was asked by Radio 4 to comment on the book and his reply was rather dismissive, consisting merely of, "Did you ask a marine Biologist to comment on Finding Nemo?"
Second, Tom Hanks when asked if he and his wife had any qualms about the story. His reply, "No, absolutely not. My heritage, and that of my wife, suggests that our sins have been taken away, not our brains."
DAV1NC1 C0DE
A Theologian was asked by Radio 4 to comment on the book and his reply was rather dismissive, consisting merely of, "Did you ask a marine Biologist to comment on Finding Nemo?"
Second, Tom Hanks when asked if he and his wife had any qualms about the story. His reply, "No, absolutely not. My heritage, and that of my wife, suggests that our sins have been taken away, not our brains."
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
High Hopes
Indeed it was a cracking weekend - work, rest and play!
Enjoying the World Cup - job done by England last night to win the group undefeated. Plenty of folks bemoaning that, which I don't understand. I think we have played ok - the standard of the lesser teams is certainly improving, and they seem to have less fear than in past tournaments. The aim of many teams, ours too, used to be secure a draw, then another, and hope to snatch a victory to qualify. Therefore the football in Germany has been much more open I think.
Pleased to share some of my story twice in church on Sunday - haven't had a backlash personally or felt insecure about doing it. People seemed receptive to the service with a couple in tears over my bit - seemed to touch a nerve and I will try to follow up with them. I did get a few hugs too, one from a bear of a man who is 6' 6" - felt in danger for my life! Nonetheless a touching and surprising moment in public.
I do feel called to use my past experiences to be real like that and hopefully to open a window for others to receive God's love and healing - goodness knows I need it!
P.S. wanna check out the England v Paraguay event we ran @ St Paul's? See http://www.christiansinsport.org.uk/
Enjoying the World Cup - job done by England last night to win the group undefeated. Plenty of folks bemoaning that, which I don't understand. I think we have played ok - the standard of the lesser teams is certainly improving, and they seem to have less fear than in past tournaments. The aim of many teams, ours too, used to be secure a draw, then another, and hope to snatch a victory to qualify. Therefore the football in Germany has been much more open I think.
Pleased to share some of my story twice in church on Sunday - haven't had a backlash personally or felt insecure about doing it. People seemed receptive to the service with a couple in tears over my bit - seemed to touch a nerve and I will try to follow up with them. I did get a few hugs too, one from a bear of a man who is 6' 6" - felt in danger for my life! Nonetheless a touching and surprising moment in public.
I do feel called to use my past experiences to be real like that and hopefully to open a window for others to receive God's love and healing - goodness knows I need it!
P.S. wanna check out the England v Paraguay event we ran @ St Paul's? See http://www.christiansinsport.org.uk/
Friday, June 16, 2006
Zippin' up my boots...
... going back to my roots (Odyssey - circa 1979?) in case you wondered why I am quoting a pyschologist below and talking about discovering who I am! See my last two posts.
My first year was thus: given up for adoption at 8 weeks. In a foster home. In another foster home. Adopted at 8 months.
My son said to me at the weekend "so Dad, you were an orphan." I never called myself that before. We talked and I was able to tell him that I now know who my birth mum is and that he has met her.
"Oh" he said!
Thanks J for bringing me into the world - I am truly thankful :o)
My life isn't big news in the global village in which we live, but it's important to me! And to my God. I will saying a little about my story this Sunday in church for Father's Day. Putting together some car chase DVD action for the big screens and base-busting tunes to back that up. There'll be a couple of motorbikes on stage too! No stereotyping here!!!!!!
So, bring on the weekend... football, breakfast with a friend, beers with a mate, landscape gardening, Hanwell carnival and some sun-baked chillin' too I hope. Love ya.
My first year was thus: given up for adoption at 8 weeks. In a foster home. In another foster home. Adopted at 8 months.
My son said to me at the weekend "so Dad, you were an orphan." I never called myself that before. We talked and I was able to tell him that I now know who my birth mum is and that he has met her.
"Oh" he said!
Thanks J for bringing me into the world - I am truly thankful :o)
My life isn't big news in the global village in which we live, but it's important to me! And to my God. I will saying a little about my story this Sunday in church for Father's Day. Putting together some car chase DVD action for the big screens and base-busting tunes to back that up. There'll be a couple of motorbikes on stage too! No stereotyping here!!!!!!
So, bring on the weekend... football, breakfast with a friend, beers with a mate, landscape gardening, Hanwell carnival and some sun-baked chillin' too I hope. Love ya.
Stage 1
ER1KS0N'S 8 stages of life - his theory states that the needs of the psyche (mind) must be met or imbalance will occur. The basic pycychological needs during the 8 stages are:
In early infancy we learn trust or mistrust. We either gain a balance between trust and the risk of being let down, or are suspicious, mustrustful and unable to relate fully to others.
Babies have one way of communicating - they cry - for food (hunger), attention (love / security / bonding) or in pain (relief / comfort).
- Acceptance and Accomplishment
In early infancy we learn trust or mistrust. We either gain a balance between trust and the risk of being let down, or are suspicious, mustrustful and unable to relate fully to others.
Babies have one way of communicating - they cry - for food (hunger), attention (love / security / bonding) or in pain (relief / comfort).
The important event in the birth to one year old stage is feeding.
According to Erikson, an infant will develop a sense of trust only if the parent or care-giver is responsive and consistent with the basic needs being met. The need for care and food must be met with comforting regularity. The infant must first form a trusting relationship with the parent or caregiver, otherwise a sense of mistrust will develop.
Elements for a positive outcome:
- The infant's need for care, familiarity, comfort and nourishment are met.
- Parental consistency and responsiveness is essential for trust to develop.
Elements for a negative outcome:
- Babies who are not securely attached to their mothers are less cooperative and more aggressive in their interactions with their mothers.
- As they grow older, they become less competent and sympathetic with peers. They also explore their environment with less enthusiasm and persistence.
Examples: Babies will begin to understand that objects and people exist even when they cannot see them. This is where trust becomes important.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Up, up and away
Well, I am pleased to say that the depression experienced last week was temporary and lifted over the weekend. I feel fine again now. Strange that an anniversary that has barely registered with me over so many years affected me so?
I guess it is related to the counselling work I am undertaking and not only thinking but feeling much more about how I am with 'stuff' and how it affects me.
I am developing a greated perception not only of who I was (how my behaviour was defined by mistrust, suspicion, an inability to receive love and an uncanny knack of rejecting love), but also who I AM.
Some don't understand at all that I was ignorant of my emotions. It has left me open to accusations which haven't been pleasant.
Not out of the woods yet - still a long way to travel on this journey - but I'm sure that I would rather be on this path than any other. Complete healing may be far away, but that's where I'm headed :o)
I guess it is related to the counselling work I am undertaking and not only thinking but feeling much more about how I am with 'stuff' and how it affects me.
I am developing a greated perception not only of who I was (how my behaviour was defined by mistrust, suspicion, an inability to receive love and an uncanny knack of rejecting love), but also who I AM.
Some don't understand at all that I was ignorant of my emotions. It has left me open to accusations which haven't been pleasant.
Not out of the woods yet - still a long way to travel on this journey - but I'm sure that I would rather be on this path than any other. Complete healing may be far away, but that's where I'm headed :o)
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Heart of kindness
Was out of the office yesterday at a Dads + Lads conference. In the afternoon I had been asked to present two workshops highlighting my program and how it runs.
I introduced myself, part of which was to state my aim as a parent - to reach my sons heart.
Can you imagine my pride and pleasure when last week Ned came home with a school certificate for outstanding achievement, awarded for "the kindness he always shows to others" :o)
I introduced myself, part of which was to state my aim as a parent - to reach my sons heart.
Can you imagine my pride and pleasure when last week Ned came home with a school certificate for outstanding achievement, awarded for "the kindness he always shows to others" :o)
Friday, June 09, 2006
Closing remarks...
... as the week ends... Been a difficult one emotionally - been in a pit for reasons explored beneath, (Out of sorts? + Jury still out), but still not fully discerned.
Feeling on the up now, especially going into the weekend: football and 3 Peaks reunion tonight (see below).
England's World Cup starts tomorrow. Come on England!
Sunday - receiving my graduation certificate and then to the pub for lunch with my course mates and their families.
Ned home too and looking forward to referee-ing his friends 8th birthday football party. Hopefully with now sending offs this time!!
Moreover, I have had many encouraging comments this week from you guys.
For you, and others, those who prayed for me - thanks. I really appreciate it.
Hope it wasn't too excruciating to read of my struggles. If you don't experience that yourself - thank God! If you do, and could relate, hope you were reminded you're not alone. Love ya. xox
Feeling on the up now, especially going into the weekend: football and 3 Peaks reunion tonight (see below).
England's World Cup starts tomorrow. Come on England!
Sunday - receiving my graduation certificate and then to the pub for lunch with my course mates and their families.
Ned home too and looking forward to referee-ing his friends 8th birthday football party. Hopefully with now sending offs this time!!
Moreover, I have had many encouraging comments this week from you guys.
For you, and others, those who prayed for me - thanks. I really appreciate it.
Hope it wasn't too excruciating to read of my struggles. If you don't experience that yourself - thank God! If you do, and could relate, hope you were reminded you're not alone. Love ya. xox
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