Jury still out

Feeling crap again today and still haven't put a finger on why. My 10 year anniversary would have been on Thursday and, while I don't think that's the main thing, it may be contributing?

Have been apart (and now divorced) longer than we were together, but who knows how these things work? I know I don't have any yearning at all to go back into that relationship, which didn't benefit me a great deal (!!!) but, having mentioned loneliness yesterday, guess that I am feeling bereft of a soul mate - on my own now 5 years. :o(

However, having a confusing time thinking about a lady with whom I was friends a couple of years ago - a truly wonderful woman. She was really keen on me but I couldn't reciprocate, for all sorts of simple and complicated reasons. She is now in another relationship and likely to move country to be with and marry her beloved. Genuinely delighted for her, but can't help feeling regret that a cracking gal may have passed me over because I was too emotionally f*#ked up to recognise her worth and pursue her.

Have told people today that have asked how I am that "I am out of sorts" which, bless them, is followed up by a question concerning my health and, when I say that isn't it that, the conversation flounders somewhat! Interesting.

Honesty? Trying to be honest but wonder if I have now said more here than I should? Other days I don't care so much, but vulnerable today. Bugger.