Another brick in the wall

Today a friend unwittingly directed me to something else that has been bugging me, he wrote/quoted:
""Don't build walls until you know what you are walling out - and what you are walling in?"

I remember being in Toronto in 1994 and catching a bus from the suburbs into the city to watch the Blue Jays and Red Sox play baseball at the Sky Dome. The thing that struck me was that hardly any front gardens had fences.

How often now in this country and others (South Africa and America spring to mind) are housing estates, or individual properties, being built with boundary walls and security gates. What are we afraid of? If there is a very real danger of burglary or even physical attack then is it fair to comment upon the societal issues of the have's and have-nots? Taking from the rich to feed the poor maybe… no, not going there today. This is what I want to say:

I realise I do have walls that keep people out and stuff in. For instance - walling out - following on from yesterday, there are times when I keep people at arms length because to be open and vulnerable is to risk rejection.

Walling in - sometimes I cannot display my emotions (anger, frustration, loneliness, random thoughts, unclear feelings) so I keep them in, because to share them is to risk rejection. Funny…the root is the same - insecurity - right?

Now, I'm not a macho type who wouldn't shed a tear under any circumstances short of my Niagara Falls (slang) being ground through a mangle! However, in the area of personal confrontation, when I should stand up for myself, I have often set aside my concerns because I can't face conflict. There are other reasons for that, but again the assumption I'm making seems to be that "if I stand up for myself you will dismiss me"? I can't trust my thoughts and feelings to you because I can't trust. Therefore I compromise, of sorts. I suppress my feelings ... only to have them fester where they are. Who gains from that?!

So, with this in mind, can I leave you with a question to think about with respect to your nearest and dearest – Can I love you without losing me?