Level 5 communication

When I was running a youth group (about 10 years ago), my 'bible' was the “Read this First” section of the Spectacular Stinking Rolling Magazine Book, by Pip Wilson.

I had seen Pip in action a number of times in the 80's, at a Christian Arts Festival called Greenbelt. Pip is a purveyor of personal interaction, personal development and growth and the inter-connectedness of human beings, all of whom are “beautiful”. Pip is part of a group that have met for over 20 years, 2 or 3 times a year, to share their life journeys.

Within that ethos is a level 5 framework - I’ll list the levels another time, but they start and finish with these:

Level 1 is when people talk in clichés – the weather etc (boring small talk)
Level 5 is complete openness in a trusting environment (thoughts/feelings/fears/hopes)

When I met Chris last night it transpired he had heard Pip at Greenbelt over the August Bank Holiday at a seminar about Level 5 stuff. So we discussed whether we had any such relationships, who they are and how they operate - most instructive.

Earlier in August I was helping lead a house party for 11-14 year olds and was involved in the (inevitable) relationships discussion which, by the way, was so popular we had to run twice to keep the groups small enough to allow everyone to participate. One of the key issues for the young people was how often confidences were broken, trust abused, how fickle their ‘friends’ were and how, for so many, they were now getting their revenge in first! I found myself (almost on my soapbox!) saying that, if this cycle was ever to be broken, if they wanted a best friend, they needed to be a best friend. And we talked about what that might look like – ok, it would continue to be risky but what were the options?

You know how when you sound off about something how later it comes back and challenges you (not necessarily for the first time) to consider whether you are a complete hypocrite or actually putting the stuff into practice? Yeah, you guessed it!

I have met with three of my good mates since then, each time for dinner, and have chosen to ask them “what more could I do for you as a friend?” Interesting, no-one has identified anything yet. Which could mean I’m a crap mate and they would prefer not to get involved, or, it might mean that as blokes we are just not wired for level 5? Actually, I don’t believe that – I think we are wired that way but not trained / coached / experienced in it. See my teenage example above. Are their experiences like ours? I think a lot like mine.

I’m fortunate enough to be meeting Pip today for a coffee and have promised to put a question to him from Chris – can people operate at level 5 because you meet only 2/3 times a year, or can those relationships develop and be sustained when you meet frequently, weekly even?

Watch this space….. meanwhile you might like to check out http://www.pipwilson.com/